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Where am I going?

Sometimes I hear a sad story here and there, and I feel like I don’t have such big problems after all, I get thankful for about 10 minutes, but lately I found myself sad most of the time. Before you think I’m depressed, easy there, I’m not… Yet. I don’t mean I intend to be, but I have to be careful.

Still I didn’t get to the point, depressed or not, I wasn’t seeing myself, so many of my posts talk about the way we should see ouselves and how we should doubt people when they try to convice us of what they think, but still, I wasn’t seeing myself. Dangerous behaviour ’cause you forget who you are, what you can do best, why you’re here… I saw myself in this situation: feeling forgotten, hopeless and pointless. See, there’s something weird happening to me this year, I’m losing friends, they’re very much alive, but away, some in heart, some in body (and heart to). You may think I pushed them away, but no, seriously, I didn’t, they just decided to change and somehow our resemblances were gone, we know each other, but we’re no longer friends.

It took me long time to understand I was stuck there, in the past with my old friends, everybody else was moving on, everybody else was growing and improving. Yesterday I told myself: ‘you know what? I don’t have to take this, I need to get up, move, leave my comfort zone, make new friends, worry less, study more, enjoy more, make my own life with what I want, what I think is best.’

So here I am, fighting that negativity, leaving behind who I was stuck, reminding myself that despite the loneliness, I am more, I can do more. If there is nothing else, leave, somewhere else ther’s something for you to do, someone for you to know. I need to remember how intelligent I am, how strong I am, how fast and centered can be, how I can handle any situation, how I can work harder and evolve everytime I push myself. You need to remember you’re not in the same place that you were 10 years ago, so even if it takes a long time, you can move, you have to move, I know I will very soon. Where am I going? Wherever I want, starting today.

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Uncategorized

Filter

We are human beings, we tend to have different personalities, different opinions and different perspectives, therefore, we’re never going to agree 100% to anybody at all. Still we’re used to show and recieve opinions as advices, but why do we rely so much on these advices?

I’m only 26 years old in this 4,5 billion years old planet, but lately I’ve noticed people don’t seem to want to get to know themselves anymore, they’re running around blind, not knowing if what they’re doing is right, if it’s gonna work, taken by insecurity.

This insecurity takes away our filter, that one thing that makes us question if that person is right about us. So you torture yourself ’cause somebody said you’re wrong in some situation, but you don’t even know yourself enough to know for sure it’s true. Understand some of our closest friends don’t know ourselves that well.

Careful with what you let people believe in, maybe you’re not what they say you are, and all you have to do is this: Get to know yourself and don’t worry about appearances.

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Surprises

So here I am, 2 months in after the graduation day. I’ve thought about so many different ways to go, even having this big dream for my life, there are these different ways to get there. After graduation the fear comes along, fear of not getting a job, of nor being able to do what you’ve studied 5 years for.

At last your fears are gone, you start on something, you get a job or you just start on your own, the last one being my situation right now. And then you start thinking about how blessed you are, yes, you made it, but also, somethings that led you to that job happened without your control, it makes you think about the ‘what if’s’ and get surprised with the many good things that happen.

After understanding that, you get more thankful for the good things that happen and start believing more in yourself, you think ‘hey, my hard work is paying off, ’cause good things are happening to me’. Those moments push us forward, to keep going, to not give up.

So if you’re stuck in some fase of your life, don’t worry, it means you just have to stop, think and plan, and of course, believe it’s just a fase, life can still surprise you.

Good luck! XX

Uncategorized · Writing

Get there

Patience is something hard to exercise, we love conquering, we love that feeling of doing or having something we’ve been fighting to be able to do or to have. The thing is that sometimes we have to wait to get there and the waiting seems like a torture, it feels bad and disturbing, but have you ever wondered if the feeling of conquering would be so amazing if we didn’t have to fight and wait the right moment to conquer what we want?

Some people say that money isn’t happiness and I agree, ’cause it’s so easy, whatever you want you can get ’cause everything has a price. So imagine living without the feeling of conquering something after work so hard, do you remember the feeling? Let me help you out.

You feel amazing ’cause you made it, you were strong enough, smart enough, you had to go the hard way and it wasn’t enough to make you give up. So we need to stop hating the hard times and embrace them, ’cause these are the times that make us stronger, they bring more happiness to our life, after the storm is gone of course. So whatever you dream to acomplish but you have to work harder or wait, do it with a smile on your face, ’cause you need to remember you’ll get there eventually and today will be long gone.

Uncategorized · Writing

Hope

Sometimes we find ourselves in panic, something bad happened, something went wrong and the feeling we get is that it’s over, it won’t work, you should just give up and that is it. It’s curious how hard it is for us to see hope in those situations, when we’re ok and feeling good we believe things are gonna be alright, but when we’re sad we feel hopeless, funny how our hearts work.

Though it might feel impossible to do we can… Sorry, I mean, we must try to focus on the end of the tunnel, that light that is so little it almost looks like and optical illusion, but it’s there and it’s real. Eventually we learn that no matter what your problem is it can be solved or at least atenuated but being a human is hard, we are not programmed and we fight a lifetime to control ourselves to, in the end, find out we wasted time.

So maybe instead of trying to be ahead of our panic attacks, why don’t we just forgive ourselves for being afraid or losing opportunities? After all we already concluded we’re uncontrollable. Forgiving yourself for the mistakes allows you to be happier and consequently hopefull.

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Dreaming too hard

I’ve always been in a rush for everything, when I was 10 I wanted to be 15 already, finally turned 15 and I couldn’t wait for my 18’s and most of you will say that it is normal for a teenager to anticipate, but ’till I was 25 it lingered. This kind of person can have names like ‘dreamer’ and ‘ambicious’ and yes, I dream and I work hard to get there, but the low of being like this is that I rarelly enjoy my rewards.

I’m now 26 years old and recently graduated in Civil Engineering, well as you can guess, I’ve dreaming about college before getting in and dreaming about graduation before leaving, I spent 80% of my time there dreaming about working and getting married, having babies and everything, now I realize I’ve made few friends, most of my classmates I’ll probably never see again.

Why am I talking about this? ‘Cause we tend to think too much about the future and mostly about things we don’t even need now, I mean, did I need to marry while trying to get good grades in college? Did I need to worry about college while trying to finish school? No, I didn’t. I left moments and people behind. After graduating I felt this urge for traveling, getting to know other countries (I have to inform you here that I’ve never been out of Brazil) and right when I started worrying about starting a family I finally asked myself: Do I need that to travel all I want? No, I don’t. So the whole desperation suddently ended and I realized I have my own time just as you have yours too.

Maybe now you’re anticipating something for your life and didn’t even┬áthing about it, didn’t try to understand if this is what you need now, ’cause of that you can be losing some great moments of your life, ’cause you wanna be with that person only you lose moments with others. I’m not saying we need to settle, not at all, but sometimes we need to stop focusing on what we don’t have and appreciate what we have.

Writing

Freedom

Sometimes we become slaves of our own concerns, we’re always worried about something and 99% of those concerns are about people. What he thinks, what she will think of me, what are they gonna say, how are they gonna react, okay, we need to worry about hurting someone or doing something bad, but there’s a limit there, we stop being ourselves ’cause you can be too clumsy, too silly, too serious or too needy. Tell me, what is the problem with that?

Why do we worry about the way we are? There’s no pattern for a human being, society tries to create one and still they create hundreds of them, but sometimes you’re nothing like any one of those patterns and I don’t know why some people are ashamed of that as if it was wrong.

Patterns are to inspire, maybe to copy one or two thing, but never to be entirely! So there you are, thinking you’re free, when you’re actually not. How to know that you need to break free from these concerns? Are you trying to change something in you to look more like someone else? Are you hiding something or someone you like from your friends and family? Are you holding in your actions ’cause you think people are gonna see you as an imature or silly person?

Changes are welcome, but only to please yourself, okay, you fell better if you lose weight, than loose it, you wanna change anything for YOU and only you? Than do it! But if the motivation comes from others opinions, break free from that, actually be yourself, that’s when you’re better.