Sometimes I hear a sad story here and there, and I feel like I don’t have such big problems after all, I get thankful for about 10 minutes, but lately I found myself sad most of the time. Before you think I’m depressed, easy there, I’m not… Yet. I don’t mean I intend to be, but I have to be careful.
Still I didn’t get to the point, depressed or not, I wasn’t seeing myself, so many of my posts talk about the way we should see ouselves and how we should doubt people when they try to convice us of what they think, but still, I wasn’t seeing myself. Dangerous behaviour ’cause you forget who you are, what you can do best, why you’re here… I saw myself in this situation: feeling forgotten, hopeless and pointless. See, there’s something weird happening to me this year, I’m losing friends, they’re very much alive, but away, some in heart, some in body (and heart to). You may think I pushed them away, but no, seriously, I didn’t, they just decided to change and somehow our resemblances were gone, we know each other, but we’re no longer friends.
It took me long time to understand I was stuck there, in the past with my old friends, everybody else was moving on, everybody else was growing and improving. Yesterday I told myself: ‘you know what? I don’t have to take this, I need to get up, move, leave my comfort zone, make new friends, worry less, study more, enjoy more, make my own life with what I want, what I think is best.’
So here I am, fighting that negativity, leaving behind who I was stuck, reminding myself that despite the loneliness, I am more, I can do more. If there is nothing else, leave, somewhere else ther’s something for you to do, someone for you to know. I need to remember how intelligent I am, how strong I am, how fast and centered can be, how I can handle any situation, how I can work harder and evolve everytime I push myself. You need to remember you’re not in the same place that you were 10 years ago, so even if it takes a long time, you can move, you have to move, I know I will very soon. Where am I going? Wherever I want, starting today.