Uncategorized · Writing

Distrações

Todos os nossos dias são corridos, não importa o que façamos, sempre parece que o dia deveria ter ao menos 30 horas. O que é um pouco bizarro nos dias que não surgem tantas coisas para resolver, deveriam ser dias calmos, demorados, mas não são. Talvez a gente não se dê conta exatamente do tempo, ele é bem relativo, quando estamos numa tarefa legal, ele voa, quando é algo chato, ele se arrasta lentamente.

A questão é que de uma forma ou de outra, estamos sempre fazendo algo, seja útil ou não. Espera, algo não útil? Como pode? Com tantas coisas que tenho para fazer, como eu iria conseguir ocupar algum tempo com coisas inúteis? Impossível.

Não, na verdade é bem possível, quase que tradicional, no dia-a-dia de qualquer pessoa. Quanto tempo passamos relembrando coisas que não temos como resolver? Quanto tempo passamos rolando a Timeline de redes sociais sem nenhum objetivo específico? Quanto tempo passamos em uma conversa que não passa de um bate-papo? Calma, não estou aqui pregando que devemos eliminar todas essas práticas, mas concorda comigo que existe um limite?

Nossas vidas passam com distrações, coisas que passamos uma ou duas horas do dia fazendo para absolutamente nada, por absolutamente nada. As distrações geralmente levam tempo e nada dão em troca, e a desculpa mais usada para se mergulhar nela é: trabalhei/estudei muito hoje, preciso de um descanso, eu posso me dar esse presente.

Sim, você precisa descansar, mas não incontrolavelmente, muitos deixam de terminar coisas, aprender outras e atingir níveis maiores por estarem extremamente distraídos. Precisamos urgentemente aprender a controlar nosso tempo, a identificar quando uma distração está nos impedindo de atingir algo maior, já que nós somos os responsáveis por tudo o que acontece, tudo o que melhora.

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All I have

This week I had a moment of learning that I had to share here. Okay, so, to situate you I need to tell about this guy I met in high school (I’m graduated in college now, Civil Engineering) who went to college with me, only he graduated in Electric Engineering. We hooked up for a few years, nothing serious, he never wanted, so you imagine how many times I had my heart broken with that one.

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After graduation he left to another state and we didn’t end up well, ’cause he just left with no goodbye and I ended up hurt again, to I decided it was over, no more of him, enough, he didn’t treat me so well… While that I started having a crush on this other guy, he was like an angel, so polite, so nice. So I looked him up on instagram and started contact, in person he would be so nice, he asked me about my life and everything, but online, in messages he wouldn’t even answer, just ignored me several times.

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So this one time I sent him another message and he took 2 days to log in and see, after that I sent another apologizing for disturbing him and guess what: nothing, like I was nobody, not even a single ‘sorry I gess you misunderstood me, I only like you as a friend’. A week later after dreaming twice about the guy who left to another state I had to get in touch as a favor to a friend, to get information on internship.

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He was the same, treating me so well, always replying my messages, worried if I was fine, if I was working… You see, I don’t mean he’s my soulmate or anything, I don’t even expect us to be together. What I mean is sometimes we’ll find people that care about us, but only ’cause they don’t spend the whole day telling us that, we tend to not see how much they care, while others we find seem to be so nice, angels, and deep inside you find out they never even cared about you.

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There’s no such thing as perfect or soulmate or ‘compatible’, life happens in the most crazy ways, is just happens. I realized how much I didn’t value the times he said he was happy for me, the times he read every message I sent saying how much I hated him and still would welcome me with kindness everytime I needed him. You see, I thought he didn’t value me, I was wrong. And I’m only happy it’s not too late. After feeling so down, another heartbreak, he was there to lift me up. We’re fine, we’re friends, and I’ll never let him go again, I need people like him.

♥♥♥

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Down days

This one was, no doubt, a very hard week. Last saturday my dog had a surgery and I spent the past 5 days barely sleeping, worried sick with him. So today, after 5 days of exhaustion, I had to take him back to the Vet, ’cause the spot of the incision was a little infected, he’s fine btw, getting better, slowly.

Besides that I had a work meeting – I work with interior designs – and I couldn’t stop for a second to relax, I didn’t want to relax, on the top of all that, there’s this guy, of course, a guy. I could easily say I love him, but unfortunately he doesn’t feel the same about me, I should be already over him but it’s kind of impossible for now… I’ll get there, eventually. So all that, the exhaustion, the concern with my dog, the meeting, the guy, the feeling of desperation for not being able to be with the one person I truly like, that took me down today, pretty hard.

‘Cau I’m too old to be a drama queen, I can’t show anything, I have to smile and if someone notices I’m kinda down, I just say ‘a little tired, it’s friday after all’ and pretend that’s the truth. So at night, after finally finishing all I had to do, I had to go to a store, to get a new blanket for myself and while waiting to pay for it and leave, I saw a woman with two kids and both of them were so excited to me shopping on a friday night, excited to have something different to do. That reminded me of my childhood, we only have school, no worries about anything else, and things like going shopping seem so interesting…

There I was, tired, crazy to leave the store and done, so done, with this day, this week and I reminded that me from 15 years ago would be so happy to be there. When did life become so not funny? When did we stop our lives at any problem? I swear, I barely did what I had to do today, so sad, so upset for the dog, the guy, the time I couldn’t sleep. Yeah, I know we all have our ‘down days’, and I’m happy to know tomorrow is another day, and it will pass. But for now I don’t wanna be like this, I’m sad, I’m hurt and I don’t wanna be.

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Changes

People talk about changes all the time. If you’re not happy, change, if you want to be a better person, change.  What people don’t talk about, is how hard it is to change, they make it look so easy and we frustrate ourselves ’cause it feels like we’re so beneath everybody else that we can’t even change our lives.

Wait, changing a life is hard and it is to everyone! If you strugle to be a better person, you’re just human and not even for a second beneath anyone. And who said it should be easy? Who said we could stop doing something we don’t even notice we do in a heartbeat?

That’s what we see today, people believing they’re bad ’cause they’re human. So here’s my proposal: Change, there’s nothing wrong about it, but change slowly, be patient, forgive yourself and believe that today you’re better than yesterday, and tomorrow you’ll be better than today. Be kind to yourself, the world is already filled with bad feelings.

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Resilience

Recently I’ve read about resilience, it’s true meaning, and I stopped to think deeply and ask myself this question: Am I a resilient person? Reading about the chacteristics of a resilient person I realized I’m not.

If you google ‘resilience’, you’ll find this: “The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” but it’s more than that, and opening other links about self knowledge I found other infos about it. It’s not enough to just go through the difficulties, anyone can do that, we suffer, we cry, then we recover, that’s not sheer resilience.

I’ve read about the qualities of a resilient person and it talks about optimism, patience and calm, someone that focus on the solution from the begining. Basicly it takes being aware of the fact that one cannot waste time worrying, it takes facing the problems from their very first minute with optimism. Reading about it made me remember everytime I snaped over a problem, everytime I cried and freaked out instead of thinking about solutions.

I started questioning myself about it, why am I like this? Why do I get stressed with the littlest problem? Resilience, I need it, we all do… Sometimes we feel like such warriors ’cause we’ve been through so much, but have you ever stopped to observe yourself, or your acts? Have you ever tried to understand them and maybe change what needs to be changed?

Known as self knowledge, this attribute can help you with relationships on the outside. Experts on the matter say that in order to make good connections we need to know ouselves and the resilience is a quality that tends to make a whole life much easier.
So I dare you to question yourself about it, to discover who you are, change what you want to change, and embrace and love what is part of you, good or bad.

Writing

Love

First post of 2018. It took me more than I wanted to come back and write new posts. I love to write, it makes me feel better, and writing my thoughts is like a therapy, so I’ll never stop.

I’ve been watching Pride and Prejudice over and over again, it has such a good vibe with nature and inocence, it takes me into their time. Besides that good feeling, there’s the main story of the movie, about Lizzie and Mr. Darcy and how long it took for them to finally be together even if it was love at first sight.

In this movie, love is born in a moment but becomes stronger with time, and not just a week, months. Before declaring real love to Lizzie, Mr. Darcy fought his own will, trying to be wrong,  only to find out his feelings for her were true. I know it’s just a movie and we don’t know for sure how many couples started out of sheer love back then, but I know sometimes we rush into relationships not taking time to see if it’s going to bloom or if it’s going to die.

More than knowing the strength of the feeling, we need to know that person underneath in order to notice any compatibility or the lack of it. I know that feelings are sopposed to be felt and not thought, but still we can use some logic. Why can’t we give time before a hug, or a kiss, os before getting intimate? Why do people have this craving for early physical interaction in the dating matter? We rush and than deny it by convincing ourselves that these things happen ‘how could I know?’, exactly, why didn’t you know?

Time, something so simple, so unavoidable that we keep trying to avoid, big mistake. Love just is, it’s true, but love also takes time, needs time, not ’cause it’s weak, ’cause it’s eternal.

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Where am I going?

Sometimes I hear a sad story here and there, and I feel like I don’t have such big problems after all, I get thankful for about 10 minutes, but lately I found myself sad most of the time. Before you think I’m depressed, easy there, I’m not… Yet. I don’t mean I intend to be, but I have to be careful.

Still I didn’t get to the point, depressed or not, I wasn’t seeing myself, so many of my posts talk about the way we should see ouselves and how we should doubt people when they try to convice us of what they think, but still, I wasn’t seeing myself. Dangerous behaviour ’cause you forget who you are, what you can do best, why you’re here… I saw myself in this situation: feeling forgotten, hopeless and pointless. See, there’s something weird happening to me this year, I’m losing friends, they’re very much alive, but away, some in heart, some in body (and heart to). You may think I pushed them away, but no, seriously, I didn’t, they just decided to change and somehow our resemblances were gone, we know each other, but we’re no longer friends.

It took me long time to understand I was stuck there, in the past with my old friends, everybody else was moving on, everybody else was growing and improving. Yesterday I told myself: ‘you know what? I don’t have to take this, I need to get up, move, leave my comfort zone, make new friends, worry less, study more, enjoy more, make my own life with what I want, what I think is best.’

So here I am, fighting that negativity, leaving behind who I was stuck, reminding myself that despite the loneliness, I am more, I can do more. If there is nothing else, leave, somewhere else ther’s something for you to do, someone for you to know. I need to remember how intelligent I am, how strong I am, how fast and centered can be, how I can handle any situation, how I can work harder and evolve everytime I push myself. You need to remember you’re not in the same place that you were 10 years ago, so even if it takes a long time, you can move, you have to move, I know I will very soon. Where am I going? Wherever I want, starting today.