Sometimes we find ourselves in panic, something bad happened, something went wrong and the feeling we get is that it’s over, it won’t work, you should just give up and that is it. It’s curious how hard it is for us to see hope in those situations, when we’re ok and feeling good we believe things are gonna be alright, but when we’re sad we feel hopeless, funny how our hearts work.
Though it might feel impossible to do we can… Sorry, I mean, we must try to focus on the end of the tunnel, that light that is so little it almost looks like and optical illusion, but it’s there and it’s real. Eventually we learn that no matter what your problem is it can be solved or at least atenuated but being a human is hard, we are not programmed and we fight a lifetime to control ourselves to, in the end, find out we wasted time.
So maybe instead of trying to be ahead of our panic attacks, why don’t we just forgive ourselves for being afraid or losing opportunities? After all we already concluded we’re uncontrollable. Forgiving yourself for the mistakes allows you to be happier and consequently hopefull.
I’ve always been in a rush for everything, when I was 10 I wanted to be 15 already, finally turned 15 and I couldn’t wait for my 18’s and most of you will say that it is normal for a teenager to anticipate, but ’till I was 25 it lingered. This kind of person can have names like ‘dreamer’ and ‘ambicious’ and yes, I dream and I work hard to get there, but the low of being like this is that I rarelly enjoy my rewards.
I’m now 26 years old and recently graduated in Civil Engineering, well as you can guess, I’ve dreaming about college before getting in and dreaming about graduation before leaving, I spent 80% of my time there dreaming about working and getting married, having babies and everything, now I realize I’ve made few friends, most of my classmates I’ll probably never see again.
Why am I talking about this? ‘Cause we tend to think too much about the future and mostly about things we don’t even need now, I mean, did I need to marry while trying to get good grades in college? Did I need to worry about college while trying to finish school? No, I didn’t. I left moments and people behind. After graduating I felt this urge for traveling, getting to know other countries (I have to inform you here that I’ve never been out of Brazil) and right when I started worrying about starting a family I finally asked myself: Do I need that to travel all I want? No, I don’t. So the whole desperation suddently ended and I realized I have my own time just as you have yours too.
Maybe now you’re anticipating something for your life and didn’t even thing about it, didn’t try to understand if this is what you need now, ’cause of that you can be losing some great moments of your life, ’cause you wanna be with that person only you lose moments with others. I’m not saying we need to settle, not at all, but sometimes we need to stop focusing on what we don’t have and appreciate what we have.
Sometimes we become slaves of our own concerns, we’re always worried about something and 99% of those concerns are about people. What he thinks, what she will think of me, what are they gonna say, how are they gonna react, okay, we need to worry about hurting someone or doing something bad, but there’s a limit there, we stop being ourselves ’cause you can be too clumsy, too silly, too serious or too needy. Tell me, what is the problem with that?
Why do we worry about the way we are? There’s no pattern for a human being, society tries to create one and still they create hundreds of them, but sometimes you’re nothing like any one of those patterns and I don’t know why some people are ashamed of that as if it was wrong.
Patterns are to inspire, maybe to copy one or two thing, but never to be entirely! So there you are, thinking you’re free, when you’re actually not. How to know that you need to break free from these concerns? Are you trying to change something in you to look more like someone else? Are you hiding something or someone you like from your friends and family? Are you holding in your actions ’cause you think people are gonna see you as an imature or silly person?
Changes are welcome, but only to please yourself, okay, you fell better if you lose weight, than loose it, you wanna change anything for YOU and only you? Than do it! But if the motivation comes from others opinions, break free from that, actually be yourself, that’s when you’re better.
I’ve lived for a long time scared about everything, all because I was always protected. I had my ‘things’ told me to do, so I didn’t have to worry about deciding… After turning 20 years people started to get tired of me always insecure about my decisions, asking them what I should do, when and why, after all, I was way too old to be leaving my life in other people’s hands, and actions like that turned me into a victim, I decided, insecurely, and when things didn’t work suddenly the entire world was unfair to me.
You see, that can and will be called Lack of Maturity, I needed to start taking responsability for my own decisions, even if they would end up being mistakes. I needed to stop hiding behind my fear, saying that a good thing couldn’t happen to me just because people didn’t like me or the universe didn’t work on my favor, where’s the logic in that? I mean, of course I believe somethings happen and we can’t do anything about it, but mostly we can choose to succeed, we chose to be happy when we understand our time is different, sometimes I’m gonna make a mistake, sometimes I’m gonna stay at home on a friday night, sometimes no one will call me, but only because I don’t need what I think I need. Not because people don’t like me, or ’cause nothing works on my favor.
The fear goes away when I realize I’m happy on my own ’cause I chose to be, and how do I do that? By understanding my limits, embracing my life the way it is and working hard to conquer whatever I think is missing. And the most important rule: Understandind everything takes time, wheather it’s one day or one year. Life happens while we’re worrying about what everybody is thinking about us, while we’re afraid of trying and failling, while we’re trying to convince ourselves that great things can’t happen to us ’cause it’s way to good to be true, while we’re afraid of being behind our work colegues or classmates. Suddently we stop and realize it was all for nothing, ’cause everything turned out just fine.
So here is my message for you: You are gonna be OKAY! No matter what, just don’t give up.