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Down days

This one was, no doubt, a very hard week. Last saturday my dog had a surgery and I spent the past 5 days barely sleeping, worried sick with him. So today, after 5 days of exhaustion, I had to take him back to the Vet, ’cause the spot of the incision was a little infected, he’s fine btw, getting better, slowly.

Besides that I had a work meeting – I work with interior designs – and I couldn’t stop for a second to relax, I didn’t want to relax, on the top of all that, there’s this guy, of course, a guy. I could easily say I love him, but unfortunately he doesn’t feel the same about me, I should be already over him but it’s kind of impossible for now… I’ll get there, eventually. So all that, the exhaustion, the concern with my dog, the meeting, the guy, the feeling of desperation for not being able to be with the one person I truly like, that took me down today, pretty hard.

‘Cau I’m too old to be a drama queen, I can’t show anything, I have to smile and if someone notices I’m kinda down, I just say ‘a little tired, it’s friday after all’ and pretend that’s the truth. So at night, after finally finishing all I had to do, I had to go to a store, to get a new blanket for myself and while waiting to pay for it and leave, I saw a woman with two kids and both of them were so excited to me shopping on a friday night, excited to have something different to do. That reminded me of my childhood, we only have school, no worries about anything else, and things like going shopping seem so interesting…

There I was, tired, crazy to leave the store and done, so done, with this day, this week and I reminded that me from 15 years ago would be so happy to be there. When did life become so not funny? When did we stop our lives at any problem? I swear, I barely did what I had to do today, so sad, so upset for the dog, the guy, the time I couldn’t sleep. Yeah, I know we all have our ‘down days’, and I’m happy to know tomorrow is another day, and it will pass. But for now I don’t wanna be like this, I’m sad, I’m hurt and I don’t wanna be.

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